I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Am I simply another millennial who refuses to commit? I just began my third consecutive year-long venture since college. Even when I have had the opportunity to stay longer, I haven't. Why is that?
According to the argument, the reason is that people of my generation don't take commitment seriously. I see that judgment in the rolling eyes of a few people who've received the news that I'm off on another escapade to another city doing different work. We millennials don't value commitment, they say. What we value is freedom and selfish mobility. There may be some truth in this theory. It's a complicated pattern, and there are clearly some murky, troubled waters that lie beneath it. But I've come to emphatically disagree that this is the crux of the issue, at least for some of us. What I think may lie at the heart of this "lack of commitment" is that my generation takes commitment very seriously -- so seriously, in fact, that we're stingy about making it happen.
We've seen people make commitments that they regret. We've watched people put themselves in positions that they end up resenting, working jobs they hate, maintaining the hollow shells of relationships that have long since died, and we've decided that we never want to make those mistakes for ourselves. We want to live good, productive, and meaningful lives, and that means battling out hard questions on the ground before we set ourselves on a particular track. We want to make educated choices. We want something that we can throw our whole heart into and commit to with ferocity. Is this lack of commitment? No! It's indicative of restless souls that won't settle for anything less than what feels right. It's indicative of a desire to seriously commit to something with intentionality and passion. The chances of knowing what that something is by the time we graduate from college or even a few years out are pretty slim. We're just getting to know the world and what's in it and how we fit.
The criticism of unsettled millennials also overlooks the stress of these uprooted circumstances. I don't have an income, and it has been a long time since I've become established enough in a place to call it home. I'm still figuring out what is most important to me and how to combine that with what I'm good at. I don't know what's around the corner, and it's scary. Everyone tells soon-to-be college grads just how fun these twentysomething years are going to be, but no one tells them how hard this time is too. It's not a pleasant road to keep ourselves on, and I think many of us would remove ourselves from it in a heartbeat if we felt it was a real, worthwhile option. Yet the difficulty is necessary because, theoretically, this is the road that leads us to where we're supposed to be. It is the means by which we find a place to plug in and be ourselves in the world in a meaningful way.
There will come a time when we really do need to make a long-term decision and commit to it. But that time may not be right now. This is the season in life when we have the liberty and flexibility to discern, which we can't do if we're limiting ourselves to a commitment we're not ready to make. Don't rush us. Commitment for commitment's sake is not a virtue. Committing to the right thing at the right time is. So please, be kind. Give us the time and space to figure that out.
